The Seattle Visitor

I met the Seattle Visitor when I visited San Francisco the first week of December 2010, and let me tell you… it was hella amazing! I love Seattle and the men from there. I don’t often meet guys I met from dating websites right away, but I felt good and comfy with this one so I went for it! It was sort of one of the many risks that I have taken as a trans-girl living in this hetero-normative world. So, he found my profile on OkCupid (which is still set in Berkeley because I prefer men from San Francisco – more my type and I will explain this in another blog) and messaged me along the lines of “You are gorgeous! I am visiting for work and I would love to meet you.” It’s ironic because it was such a perfect timing. I was also visiting friends and taking a break from San Diego at that time. Again, I say it was perfectly amazing.

The Seattle Visitor is attractive, very fit, and computer software/engineer. I was totally attracted to him because intellect is way hotter than physical appearance, though I don’t mind him being handsome and sexy as well. We exchanged about 10 messages to each other and we chatted on the OkCupid chat feature. I told him that I am a trans-girl right in the beginning (I do not do this often, but I took the risk because he made me comfortable. Besides, he is only visiting and I was only visiting). He said he was shocked and he said that he has never met a trans-girl, and he wouldn’t have guessed. He added that, I was way prettier than most other girls on the site. He liked the idea and he said it excited him, so he definitely still wanted to meet me. It’s crazy how uncommon these encounters occur. Of course, I blushed… I am gullible to those kinds of comments, so just keep them coming!!! It definitely makes me smile.

Let’s just say that I was not suppose to meet him while I was in San Francisco. However, I was not totally opposed to the idea of meeting a straight guy off of OkCupid, who knew I was a trans-girl and still wanted to meet me. It is one of those things that I look for before I hang out with someone. I make sure that I am not some kind of fetish, but I also want to make sure that I am not some kind of experiment. I thought he fit right into my requirements, and it was neither a fetish nor an experiment because he was sincere about wanting to meet me. Again, I was not suppose to meet him… he was just another guy of the many I meet online that I just talk to but never actually see in person. He bugged me for a week, even when I wasn’t in San Francisco yet… I also told him that I was just visiting in hopes to stop him from bugging me, but he was persistent. I like that.

I saw signs that I should meet him. I tried to ignore it, but I just kept seeing them. I went to Berkeley at a bad time because all my friends were studying for finals… I couldn’t find anyone to hang-out with, so I decided to make a trip to San Francisco. Well, you are going to think I am such a slut… but I decided to go to San Francisco that day as I was in the passenger seat with one of my best friends from college. He had to go home and I was sort of pressured into making a decision then. I realized that I was suppose to meet “The Naughty DJ” (One of the best friends-with-benefits, EVER!) that night, so I planned everything out. I would go shopping, and then head out to meet The Seattle Visitor, and then go to The Naughty DJ’s apartment. I thought to myself, I deserve some really good fucking, some hot steamy sex… after 4 months of waiting on nothing – The Mysterious Itim is sort of in this picture, but not really… He was the initial reason why I visited… He fooled me and I fell for it, but that’s another story!

Before heading to SF, I texted him that I was coming and we should hang out. He responded, he will give me a massage when we do. I am not about turn one down, I fucking love massages. So I go to San Francisco using the BART, then walked around the mall, tried a few things from H&M and Forever 21, then at 3pm The Seattle Visitor texts me, “Come on Over!” No, it was not a booty text, he was working and I told him to text me when I should come over…

It was one of those hotels in Union Square, really fancy… I felt like a princess. He invited me into his hotel room and said to feel at home, so I went to his bed right away. :p I asked him to massage me, and I laid on my stomach and he went right on top of me. He started massaging me with my clothes on first, and then he got massage oil and said to take my top&bra off. He massaged my back from top to bottom, and it felt so good. He started kissing me on the neck, and that always gets me… he worked his kisses towards my lips as I look back, and we were both kissing each other. It was so hot I cannot stop thinking about it. He started grinding on me, massaging my sensitive breasts, and I moaned. I unbuttoned his pants to find a really hard hard-on. I got excited at that moment. I took off my pants, and we were both grinding on each other with only underwear, while kissing each other… I made the first move of taking off his underwear, he was so hard. I love it!

It was his first time with a special girl like, and it seemed like he didn't know what he was doing. So, I had to take control. I let him explore my body. We kissed, and his lips were on my neck down to my stomach and then he went on top of me. His cock was in front of my face, so I sucked him. I licked his shaft, his balls, his cock was inside my mouth and I moved up and down, and I sucked him. He almost came, but I stopped. I relaxed on his bed, waiting for him to give me attention. He did. He kissed me, nibbled on my nipples. He moved down. It was like missionary-style. He was on top of me, and he was grinding against me. I love how his cock feels on my stomach. I love how his cock feels against mine. He said, "This is hot!" He kept grinding on me, and my cock was fully hard. He kissed me, and moved down to my stomach... He licked my stomach for a couple of minutes and he looked at me. It seemed like his face was asking, "Do you want me to suck your cock." So I smiled at him to say yes. It was like no other blow job I ever had before, well not really. I liked it because he was straight, and he's never done this before... but he wanted to pleasure me so bad. It excited me more than anything else, or anyone else. It was amazing. It was like Cowgirl position now, my cock was teasing his ass. I could feel my cock entering his ass. I have never topped before, but I couldn't resist it. I was so hard, I couldn't stopped. I just let him ride me.  It seemed like he didn't know what he was doing, but what ever he was doing was making me feel good. It was the hottest I have ever felt. I think the idea that I was his first had me turned on, the thought that he was doing everything to pleasure me had me turned on, the sight of his excitement had me turned on. I reached orgasm, and now its his turn. It was missionary-style again, and we were sword-fighting... he said it feels really good. I knew it felt really good. I love feeling a big cock rubbing against mine. I think he liked the idea that I was turned on, that he could see how turned on I was. He asked me to give him a hand-job, I did. I gave him a hand-job, and there were a couple of sword-fighting breaks... then I would lick and suck on it once in a while. After about 10 minutes, he came. I love it when a guy grunts, moans.... He came on his stomach. He came on my face. He came a lot. I went to his bathroom, and I got him a towel to wipe it off. After that, I said I had to get going. I made sure I still looked good, I made sure I didn't look like I just had an awesome time with a hottie.

He walked me toward the BART station. I thought that was really sweet. But, I didn't go home right away. I had to meet my Naught DJ again, he is like my friends-with-benefits in SF. One of the things that I really liked about this encounter was that I was control. I was still submissive, but still in control of what was going on.

We chat once in a while. We talk about how hot this encounter was, and how we'd do it again. He keeps telling me I am hot and I am beautiful, I don't know what he's talking about.

xoxo,

Jas advocacy, becoming jasmine, college, education, employment, health, name change, nightlife, tgirl, transgender, transgirl

The Sexy Guitar Player is Naked!

I am going to say, first of all, that I have never been wooed like this! And, it felt like a dream! Let us start in the beginning!

I work at a local hospital, a little north of San Diego! Here, there are plenty of eye-candies, which make my 12-hour workdays a little more exciting! And, by exciting I mean…it is a break from the never-ending calls on my Vocera. Most of the male transporters and a few of the male nursing staffs are quite attractive. Trust me, I wonder what they could be doing here, when they could/should be modeling! They make me happier while working, even if I was just imagining it. Anyway, I am not one to flirt with my coworkers, and I think that I have that “I am at work, and I don’t want to flirt” appearance whenever I work with these handsome creatures! But, there was one particular morning when this ER Tech from the float pool asked me where the emergency room was. I immediately escorted him to the emergency room (because that is one of the best things about the hospital I work for…we don’t want visitors to get lost, and I think it makes them feel a bit more special when we take the time out of our busy morning to escort them). As we were walking, we chatted a bit.

His name is Kiel, or Kyle as he pronounced it. He graduated from San Diego State University with a degree in Anthropology, and he was currently waiting for admission into a nursing program. Since we had the 2^nd degree in nursing in common, we chatted a little bit more. He lives in San Diego, has two brothers, and recently broke up with his girlfriend. I didn’t want to pry, so I didn’t as for further details. He enjoys music, and he made fun of me because I am not much of a music fanatic. I usually just listen to songs on the radio and decide if I like it or not. I like upbeat music, but I never really pay attention to the lyrics. It was a very short conversation, because the ER was not a very far walk. He said thank you, and I said, “Have a good day!”

As I walked to my unit, MEDSURG, I pondered. Wow, he is really cute! But, I realized that it is just another day. It was actually pretty busy that day, and I didn’t get to lunch until 1:30pm, which is perfect because the hot foods in the cafeteria were still available. As I walked in, I saw Kiel in one of the tables and he motioned me to sit where he sat. Who am I to resist? I am too nice to say no! Plus, I wouldn’t mind eating a veggie lasagna and a side of soup with a handsome ER Tech. We talked about how our day went, and we were just glad to get a break and have lunch. Suddenly, he asked me what I like to do for fun here in San Diego. We had hiking in common, and we talked about Potato Chip Rock in Mt. Woodson. I mentioned Cedar Creek Falls and Three Sister’s Falls, and he was definitely interested in those trails. Suddenly, he asked for my number and I gave it to him. While we were sitting together, he texted me “We should hang out! You seem like a cool girl.” I thought that was sweet. I just said “Definitely, just text me!” He had to go back to work, so we hugged and said our good byes!

After driving home from work, showering, and eating a meal, I decided to just watch Grey’s Anatomy on HULU. I got a text from Kiel asking me what I am doing tomorrow. I am off tomorrow, so I said “Absolutely nothing!”  He asked me if I wanted to go hiking, but I was sore so I said I just want to stay in and watch a movie. He invited me over for the morning, and he cooked me breakfast with coffee! It was delicious. While I was eating, he went to take a quick shower! He came out with just a towel covering his private parts. My jaw fell. I thought he was handsome, but I didn’t think that he was so sexy! I could tell that he works out, runs, and watches what he eats. As my eyes scanned from his chest to his abdomen, I couldn’t help but notice a bulge in his private area. He said, “Ooops, I am sorry! By the looks of it, I assume you don’t mind.” I agreed.

He took me on a quick tour of his condo. His condo was clean and beautiful too, and had amazing views of Downtown San Diego and the Coronado Bridge. I could not keep my eyes off his fit body. But, I was also amazed by the amazing paintings, which were abundant in his walls. He said that his family is very creative, and he painted a couple of them. I was impressed. He led me to the bedroom, and he made me feel really comfortable. We talked while he grabbed his guitar and his towel fell to the ground. He is packing, and he laughed. I think he did that on purpose. He started playing the guitar naked and he sang songs for me. He actually sang a song that he wrote, just for me. It was the sexiest sight, and I couldn’t feel anymore special and wanted. I thought it was the sweetest, and an instant panty-dropper! This guy definitely has game and knows how to woo a woman. I was just really excited at that moment. And, I kept complimenting him. He liked it. He asked me what kind of movie I wanted to watch, and I said anything funny. He picked a movie; I forgot the title.  But, I knew there was not a lot of paying attention to the movie.

We cuddled at first, and I could hear his heart beat beating fast and loud. He was really nervous, and I was like… why? He is so hot, so much confidence, so sexy, so attractive. I was little spoon, and I was giving him shimmies and I was turning him on. He was trying to kiss me. Starting from my neck and toward my lips. It was a major turn on! It was turning him on so bad. I turned around, and we made out like crazy and my hands were all over his back, scratching him and pulling his hair. I was simply caressing his hard-on, going back and forth. It was at this moment that I realized that I never told him I was transgender. In my mind, I was like “Fuck it!” And, I just let it be.

His hands were exploring my body, and I kept pulling his hands away as he was trying to reach over my private area. I was hard, and I was afraid of how he would react. So, I told him, “I just want to tell you something before this goes any further…” He was shocked, but still very interested. In fact, he uttered, “I think that is so sexy that I never knew until now.” I was surprised, and I was free! We did all kinds of enjoyable things in bed, all those things that people in relationships do. He said he loved my body, giving me kisses all over, licking my stomach and my neck and my back, and blowing air in each spot. I was in ecstasy. This is probably the best I ever had, but wait until the next time I hang out with him again.

After two hours of cuddling, the movie ended and we were both sweaty. We both went into the shower and cleaned each other. We still made out and fondled each other. He said he had a great time, and he assured me that he wants to hang out again. He said that he has never been with a girl like me, but he was definitely interested. He asked if I was going somewhere today. I said no. He invited me to walk around Balboa Park, and I thought that was nice of him. We did. It was awesome. I never thought that I could spend some quality time getting to know someone after having sex with him. So it was different, and I liked it.

I want more. And, there is definitely more. I will write another blog post about Kiel and our very hot encounter.

xoxo,

Jas advocacy, becoming jasmine, college, education, employment, health, name change, nightlife, tgirl, transgender, transgirl

The Resident Doctor

I activated my OkCupid again, and I started to experiment a little bit. Instead of keeping my transgender identity from my date until he gets to know me on a deeper level, I chose to be blunt about it and wrote it on the ABOUT ME section. It is surprising how many men are looking at pictures first and match with me, only to find out later on that I am transgender and they end up blocking me. I think this is an easy way for me weed out those that will only waste my time. If they do not give me a chance, they are not worth my time. However, there are a substantial amount of men who are still interested in what I have to say and getting to know me… as friends first, which I think is the best way to go. Anyway, I began corresponding with a Resident Doctor in Family Medicine/Psychiatry from UCSD, and I think his intellect and passion was most attractive about him. At this time, I was not sure if I was ready to date again… But, I met him anyway!

La Jolla Shores is one of my favorite first date spot. I have taken quite a few here, because the quiet and serene setting encourages deep conversations that will force the two of us to get to know each other. It doesn’t hurt that the cool winds promote intimacy by being close to each other, holding each other’s hands, and embracing each other. Again, I think it is a perfect dating spot. Anyway, we met after work around 9pm and he was coming from a speaking engagement with UCSD’s medical students. I admire him for doing that, because outreach and empowerment was also a huge part of my college years. I found out that he went to Columbia University to get his MSW, but then realized that a medical degree would allow him to prescribe medications to his previous interest, which are psychiatric patients. I can just tell how passionate he was about his work and he was at the path at the time.

I found out that he came to San Diego after a couple of years working in Washington, DC in social justice. I think that dating men who have the same political and social ideologies is extremely important to me. As I got to know him more, the more interested I grew… And, the more turned on I got!  He leaned in to kiss me, and I kissed him back. Those warm, soft lips and that rough scruff are just so sexy. He was a real gentleman: he walked me to my car, opened the door for me, and kissed me once again. He also said he wanted to take me on a dinner date, which was really sweet!

So, we met again after two days. He made reservations at a local hotel restaurant, and also reserved a room for us to relax and have some fun. I came to it knowing what was about to happen, and I admit that I wanted things to happen, because it has been a year since I was intimate with someone in the bedroom. We started at the restaurant. I ordered lobster and steak, and he ordered the same thing. He drank beers, and I drank whiskey and coke! It was nice. As we were eating dinner, we again had conversations… but it was not as deep as our first, which I let go because he came from work and he must be really tired. We finished dinner, and we walked around the hotel for a little bit. We spent time in the pool together, and then we went to the room.

In the room, we just cuddled and made out, honestly. I think there was a lot of sexual tension, but I didn’t let myself be that vulnerable… I showed a lot of restraint, because I could have devoured and made love to that sexy body! I think the fact that I was not putting out turned him off a little bit, because I was doing all the right things except taking off my clothes and letting the sexual energy unleash. I was doing my shimmies, guys love that for some reason… and I knew I was turning him on! I had work the next day, so I really couldn’t stay up any longer.  So, we ended up just cuddling, and I thought it was the sweetest. Again, he walked me to my car at 4am in the morning and kissed me goodbye. He said he wanted to see me again. We did these repetitive cuddling sessions for about 4 more times in a span of 4 months, and then we both got busy.

We texted and planned to meet again, but it always fell through. I realized that if I couldn’t make the time for him and he couldn’t for me, there is not enough attraction to keep the momentum going and I didn’t want to waste my time. I think I was attracted to him because he looked good on paper, yet there was very little chemistry. We had a lot in common, but every intimate step felt a bit forced. Kissing him was forced and holding hands with him was the same. AGAIN, DO NOT FORCE INTIMACY. I learned from my lesson… So on to the next one!

xoxo,

Jas advocacy, becoming jasmine, college, education, employment, health, name change, nightlife, tgirl, transgender, transgirl

How to get over a break up?

To be honest, I am not the best to answer this question; because I am the girl who gets overly attached and committed to the person I am dating. This is the same reason why I am afraid to be vulnerable and start letting someone in.

As I began dating after a horrible break-up, I immediately watch for the signs that make me give up too easily on someone. The moment someone cancels on a date or fails to keep in touch after a week lets me know that that person is not interested enough to make a relationship out of what we have done so far. I have been on several dates, and not one man has been able to make me feel comfortable. I openly admit that I am a sapio-sexual and I enjoy meaningful conversations where both persons are involved.  I dated a resident physician, a lawyer, a professor at a local university, a food truck owner, a 19 –year-old computer science student, and a corpsman in the navy. All are great guys, but there was no chemistry, and I am the type of person who has learned that forcing chemistry is not the best way to go. So, I will continue dating until I meet the person who will give me the same spark that David, “my-love-at-first-sight” and the only person that I actually kept in touch with after breaking up.

Before all the dating began, I remember those long months of Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball” and A Great Big World’s “Say Something.” These songs probably dehydrated my lacrimal ducts, but the tears never stopped coming! It was nice to know that Miley was going through the same thing I was, so listening to songs I can relate to was a great idea at first…until I realized that I needed to stop considering my previous ex as my greatest break-up, because it wasn’t. Now, I would only say that it was great because it was the right thing to do. It was the best for me at least, because now I know that I am free from the burden that came with being with that person.

Positivity and focusing on myself helped distract me from thinking about all the negativities that were going on at that time. It took me a lot of angry emails to get here, but I do not recommend it. I called him the biggest asshole, and I think he is. But, it is unfair for me to verbalize it and tell him, because he should be the one to realize that and accept it. Letting out the anger is good, but it is not who I am and I do not want to leave any horrible memories of me. I know that I have been nothing but a great girlfriend, and I hope he will find someone as sweet and honest and committed as I am. Again, focusing on the positive, my positive character is a great way to end that chapter of my life and start a new one.

I surrounded myself with positive people who let me do the stupid things I did. I laugh at it now, because I wouldn’t be as picky as I am without that experience. I was not afraid to be so needy or read between the lines, and I had great and dependable friends who would let me know if I should or shouldn’t. I never thought that his “We can be friends…” actually only means until he finds a girlfriend, which he immediately did. I don’t blame him at all. He must have felt so lonely in a foreign country, and I am actually happy that he has someone. I don’t think he would ever make it, without having someone to take care of him. It is really funny now that I think of it. I hope that his girlfriend has a lot of patience because she will need all of it.

Laugh. I laugh at all the things that he did and I did. I laugh because it was the biggest mistake of a relationship, yet we managed to stay together for almost two years. I laugh, because there were so many signs that let me know what kind of guy he is, yet I ignored them and chose to be blinded by love, or should I say lust. I think it was all about that which is hella funny! I laugh, because he has the biggest long. I wonder how he will live with the fact that he led on a transgender woman, he broke her heart to pieces, and he will leave with that memory for the rest of his life. This is something I think about as I am starting to date again, because I wouldn’t want to put this much pressure on someone that I could potentially be dating seriously. Unless it is someone that I am going to spend the rest of my life with, because I actually tell guys earlier in the dating process to inform them of what they are getting into. Again, I laugh… because I, on the other hand, had nothing to lose. Yet, I still cried for months…over nothing! I say nothing, but I actually would never erase the memories, because we make those memories to remember them!

I think in every break-up… it is okay to cry, for months! Take your time. And, don’t let anyone yell at you for not getting the hint. You decide when you are ready. You decide when you cannot have it any more. Listen to songs, vent, and reflect. Accept. LAUGH. And, START DATING AGAIN!

xoxo,

Jas advocacy, becoming jasmine, college, education, employment, health, name change, nightlife, tgirl, transgender, transgirl