Summer Lovin'

This is not a romantic blog post, or anything of that sort. I am using "Summer Lovin'" as the title, simply because I am getting so many positive news and energy, even before summer started. I feel so loved and blessed. I am super optimistic of what is to come within the next few months, and I am really excited this summer because I am going to change my name and gender legally.

Many of you may never feel the happiness within me, but it feels like being born again (oh, maybe not the best description, because I've never been born again... but if I did, this is how I would feel).

Perhaps better descriptions would include:
1. My student loans are paid off! Oh, if only it were that easy!
2. I lost 40 lbs. and I am back to 125, 5'6", 36-25-34. Of course, this is not true. I wish it were, and I would feel so happy. I am self-conscious of my body and would like to be healthy for myself,.
3. I won a trip around the world, all expenses paid. I could only dream. If I had the money, I would really like to travel around the world, even go on one of my favorite TV shows, AMAZING RACE!
4. I graduated from MA in Women's Studies and secured a teaching gig at a local community college, while working a leadership position at a nonprofit organization.
5. I am confident with where I am both professionally and personally. I own a house and other properties.

I could include a few more... but nothing can describe how I feel more vividly than "OMG! I finally get to be myself. I finally get to be Jasmine legally, without any doubts or worries." I am truly blessed because I know how first-hand how difficult it is to navigate through different systems. I am lucky to have a supportive network, my boyfriend, friends, family and colleagues. Without them, I would have given up on my first attempt. Thank you for keeping me sane, for being there for me, and for trying to understand something completely alien to  many. OMG! I did not mean for this blog to be a THANK YOU blog, it just kinda went there! Here I am, redirecting back to "Summer Lovin'."

Recently, I have been exchanging emails with my endocrinologist, Dr. Wu, who will ultimately make the decision whether or not I get to legally change my name and gender. So far, it sounds like he is going to write the letter confirming that I have undergone "clinically appropriate treatment." I am really happy that this term was changed from something specific "surgical treatment" to something really vague "clinically appropriate treatment," which is defined under the penal code. I don't really follow policy changes, but I am really glad to have found this information. Now, I am taking advantage of it, because I am not sure if conservative opponents will argue otherwise. Anyway, I am not going to get into that.

By June 1st, I should have all the documents and I should be able to file with the court's clerk by the 2nd week of June. Crossed fingers. Depending on the workload of the court, it may take them 3-4 months to schedule a hearing. I am applying for the fee waiver, which is worth $398 and they will provide copies of the document if approved. While waiting for the hearing, I need to publish my name change through an approved newspaper, and I have canvassed. The lowest price for it is $75 for all four consecutive weeks, which is the required number of publications. This is to make sure that I am not changing my name to commit fraud or any other criminal offenses. Of course, I am a good girl! I am really excited because I am only paying $75 for what could be $500 or more. by August, I should be changing my name and I cannot wait for people to finally refer to me as Jasmine! There's going to be legal documentation that proves my name change is valid.

Now to the other positive news! I am applying for a grant that will hopefully pay for my breast augmentation (normally $7000 from a reliable surgeon) through the Jim Collins Foundation. Of course, I cannot keep my hopes up because they only awarded 2 out of more than 300 applicants. I read on the biographies of the awardees, and they are both incredibly amazing. Despite the slim chances, I am still going to apply because I know that I need it and I am deserving. Let's just hope they see it! I am working hard to be deserving of the grant.

One of the requirements of the grant is that I must have done creative fundraising activities. One of them is this blog. So far, I have made $130 from this blog. Please continue to support and share it with your friends. Please read my most recent status update on my Facebook page to see how you can help! If you have any other fundraising ideas, please feel free to send them my way. I would greatly appreciate it.

xoxo,

Jas

Aaaah, my future is looking good...

I just have to stay focused and work extra hard to be where I want to be in five years. In a year, I could be helping teach a class and I am hella excited for that. In two years, I can be teaching and going to nursing school at the same time. The next year will be hella hectic for sure, because I am taking 9-12 units per semester for my MA degree and 8-10 units per semester for my nursing pre-requisites. I know that I may be setting myself up for a stressful year (hopefully not failure because I had my fair share of feeling useless from all the rejections), but I am confident that I can manage to excel in the classes I need despite juggling a packed schedule. I can do it! I will not be afraid to ask for help. I will not be afraid to say no. I will work hard and sacrifice doing the things I love to get the freedom to do them without worry or self doubt.

Aside from my career path, I am also excited for finally Becoming Jasmine, becoming the person I have always been. A lot of my friends enjoy the crazy, loud, and obnoxious side of me, but I am really the shy, quiet girl... demure who likes to keep it simple. I just recently changed my gender marker on my California Driver's License, and I am so excited to finally change my name and gender marker on all my legal documents. I am hoping to get it all done by the end of summer, but it is getting delayed because of the hassle of waiting for assistance from a transgender nonprofit organization and also asking for documentation from both my psychiatrist and endocrinologist. It has been really difficult this past two weeks because I am not getting the responses I need. I thought my therapist was very open to helping me because she was the one who suggested it. Now, she's telling me that I have only met her twice and that's not sufficient. After telling her everything I have been through, having a hard time finding the right therapist or physician, I get this from her. I don't know maybe it is in the books and it is required, but I am so confused why changing my gender on all my documents take so much work and money! I just don't get it.

It was not my mistake in the first place. It was the doctor's who made the mistake determining my gender. While it can be argued that they were following protocol--the scientific way of determining gender, it is quite different from the sex! As I have learned from my undergraduate years, sex is in between your legs and gender is in between your ears... Gender is fluid, it cannot be determined solely by the level of testosterone or estrogen in our bodies, our sexual organs, or even our physical anatomy. It takes more than that.

It is really unfortunate that the simple mistake of doctors determining my gender, leads to social norms that continue to limit the freedom of gender expression. The gender binary is so narrow that it does not allow the expression of those who are neither masculine or feminine. In fact, no one is 100% masculine or feminine. Everyone is in the middle, and it is problematic to force people to conform to either side.

Anyway, I am just really happy that I am taking the initiative to actually fix the mistake that was made 24 years ago. Noone else will do but me. Noone else will be affected but me.

xoxo,

Jas

Changing My Legal Name

It has been a while since I've written a blog post. I just wanted to let all of you know that I am so excited to attend San Diego State University to pursue a MA degree. I am also taking prerequisites for a nursing education, specifically to get into UCSF's MEPN program. Meanwhile, I am in the process of legally changing my name into Jasmine. It is a very tough and confusing process, and I am seeking help from the Transgender Law Center. I am currently waiting for the paperwork to arrive so that I can get a court order.


xoxo,

Jas

Changing gender roles in chimpanzees

            The film Chimpanzee captures a remarkable behavioral change in Freddy, the alpha male of a pack of chimpanzees in an African forest. The plot revolves around the development of young Oscar, who becomes an orphan because frequent wars with the neighboring rival tribe displaced his mother, Aisha. The film emphasizes observed behaviors of chimpanzees, such as the mothers nurturing their children, the younglearning survival skills from the elders, and the pack’s territorial attitude towards other groups of chimpanzees. Throughout the film, I found that chimpanzees practice gender roles similar to humans. Surprisingly, Freddy’s initiative to adopt Oscar and become a surrogate to him is very interesting because it is comparable to the shifting roles of humans that drift away from the traditional gender norm.

            In chimpanzees, Freddy took on the motherly role of carrying Oscar and letting him ride on his back, because other members of the pack constantly rejected Oscar as he searches for an adopted family. When Freddy developed a “mother-son” relationship with Oscar, other members of the pack became more accepting of Oscar. Freddy’s role as alpha male is to serve as a leader and protect his pack, including taking care of Oscar because he needed guidance and support. As Freddy normalizes this behavior, it became more acceptable to his pack. Throughout the film, I began translating scenes into the current status of women in society, because today’s women are becoming more self-sufficient and men are taking on the role of taking care of their homes and children. As society normalized the shift in gender roles, they became more acceptable and common throughout society.

The shift in gender roles is circumstantial and detrimental to the survival of the pack. I believe that Freddy’s shift in gender role is significant to the relationships he built with each member of the pack, and it was beneficial in overcoming the violent attacks of Scar’s gang. In humans, the shift in gender roles benefited society as a whole—especially in social, economic, and political aspects of living. The trend in changing gender roles may be considered as signs of adapting to new environments and challenges in life, both of which I find comparable to humans. Perhaps it is in human nature that we all live harmoniously despite the differences.  The shift in gender roles is representative of the idea that gender is fluid and the gender spectrum reveals that each individual does not belong to 100% masculine or 100% feminine, but we all belong in between this binary. I found it refreshing to witness the similarities of chimpanzees and humans; more specifically, I was very interested in the shift in gender roles because I believe that it is a sign of our progressive state.

xoxo,

Jas

Things that I love.

I am studying at a cafe right now, and just a few seconds ago, I heard these footsteps to my right, running towards the cashier. I looked to see who could be running for their Turkey Sandwich, and saw a tiny person who may or may not have a height genetic defect. It made me smile, not because it was cute, but because I love living in a world where "normal" people do not belittle those who have a genetic defect. 

Growing up, I witnessed my peers make fun of short people, those who do not fit the norm. I admit, I even participated in ridiculing "abnormal" people. However, I never understood why I joined the norm. As a child, I remember myself wanting to avoid becoming an outcast. 

xoxo,

Jas