To be honest, I am not the best to answer this question;
because I am the girl who gets overly attached and committed to the person I am
dating. This is the same reason why I am afraid to be vulnerable and start
letting someone in.
As I began dating after a horrible break-up, I immediately
watch for the signs that make me give up too easily on someone. The moment
someone cancels on a date or fails to keep in touch after a week lets me know
that that person is not interested enough to make a relationship out of what we
have done so far. I have been on several dates, and not one man has been able
to make me feel comfortable. I openly admit that I am a sapio-sexual and I
enjoy meaningful conversations where both persons are involved. I dated a resident physician, a lawyer, a
professor at a local university, a food truck owner, a 19 –year-old computer
science student, and a corpsman in the navy. All are great guys, but there was
no chemistry, and I am the type of person who has learned that forcing
chemistry is not the best way to go. So, I will continue dating until I meet
the person who will give me the same spark that David, “my-love-at-first-sight”
and the only person that I actually kept in touch with after breaking up.
Before all the dating began, I remember those long months of
Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball” and A Great Big World’s “Say Something.” These
songs probably dehydrated my lacrimal ducts, but the tears never stopped
coming! It was nice to know that Miley was going through the same thing I was,
so listening to songs I can relate to was a great idea at first…until I
realized that I needed to stop considering my previous ex as my greatest
break-up, because it wasn’t. Now, I would only say that it was great because it
was the right thing to do. It was the best for me at least, because now I know
that I am free from the burden that came with being with that person.
Positivity and focusing on myself helped distract me from
thinking about all the negativities that were going on at that time. It took me
a lot of angry emails to get here, but I do not recommend it. I called him the
biggest asshole, and I think he is. But, it is unfair for me to verbalize it
and tell him, because he should be the one to realize that and accept it. Letting
out the anger is good, but it is not who I am and I do not want to leave any
horrible memories of me. I know that I have been nothing but a great
girlfriend, and I hope he will find someone as sweet and honest and committed
as I am. Again, focusing on the positive, my positive character is a great way
to end that chapter of my life and start a new one.
I surrounded myself with positive people who let me do the
stupid things I did. I laugh at it now, because I wouldn’t be as picky as I am
without that experience. I was not afraid to be so needy or read between the
lines, and I had great and dependable friends who would let me know if I should
or shouldn’t. I never thought that his “We can be friends…” actually only means
until he finds a girlfriend, which he immediately did. I don’t blame him at
all. He must have felt so lonely in a foreign country, and I am actually happy
that he has someone. I don’t think he would ever make it, without having
someone to take care of him. It is really funny now that I think of it. I hope
that his girlfriend has a lot of patience because she will need all of it.
Laugh. I laugh at all the things that he did and I did. I
laugh because it was the biggest mistake of a relationship, yet we managed to
stay together for almost two years. I laugh, because there were so many signs
that let me know what kind of guy he is, yet I ignored them and chose to be
blinded by love, or should I say lust. I think it was all about that which is
hella funny! I laugh, because he has the biggest long. I wonder how he will
live with the fact that he led on a transgender woman, he broke her heart to
pieces, and he will leave with that memory for the rest of his life. This is
something I think about as I am starting to date again, because I wouldn’t want
to put this much pressure on someone that I could potentially be dating
seriously. Unless it is someone that I am going to spend the rest of my life
with, because I actually tell guys earlier in the dating process to inform them
of what they are getting into. Again, I laugh… because I, on the other hand,
had nothing to lose. Yet, I still cried for months…over nothing! I say nothing,
but I actually would never erase the memories, because we make those memories
to remember them!
I think in every break-up… it is okay to cry, for months!
Take your time. And, don’t let anyone yell at you for not getting the hint. You
decide when you are ready. You decide when you cannot have it any more. Listen
to songs, vent, and reflect. Accept. LAUGH. And, START DATING AGAIN!
xoxo,
Jas advocacy, becoming jasmine, college, education, employment, health, name change, nightlife, tgirl, transgender, transgirl
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