Unfinished ramblings

“…You don’t love me, you are just greatful that somebody came along and showed interest in you.”

That is my biggest regret. It led to unnecessary pain and tears. I think that I was so wrapped up on the idea of being loved that I forgot what love really meant. I forgot to love myself, and that is one thing that I promise myself I will never do again. Yes, how ironic that my biggest regret has to do with love, love that was never really there. But, I learned from it. And, now I know what I am not looking for when it comes to love.

Love is not a temporary thing. It is not something I feel one second, and then it is gone after a few more. Love is not something I feel when I am about to lose or leave someone. If someone told me that he loved me right before he decides to leave the country, that is not love…because if it were me, I would not leave him if I love him. Yes, there is still anger and pain lingering after his so-called “clean break-up,” but it does not mean that I have any love left for him, because he does not deserve any from me. He is my biggest regret, and that is all he is.

To me, regret is not shutting out the pain, but it is realizing that there is tomorrow to start anew.

False promises. These are the culprits. I know it is hard to decipher which are the truths and the lies, but what would life be if we constantly question the hidden meanings behind those sweet words that we long to hear?

xoxo,

Jas advocacy, becoming jasmine, college, education, employment, health, name change, nightlife, tgirl, transgender, transgirl