The Resident Doctor

I activated my OkCupid again, and I started to experiment a little bit. Instead of keeping my transgender identity from my date until he gets to know me on a deeper level, I chose to be blunt about it and wrote it on the ABOUT ME section. It is surprising how many men are looking at pictures first and match with me, only to find out later on that I am transgender and they end up blocking me. I think this is an easy way for me weed out those that will only waste my time. If they do not give me a chance, they are not worth my time. However, there are a substantial amount of men who are still interested in what I have to say and getting to know me… as friends first, which I think is the best way to go. Anyway, I began corresponding with a Resident Doctor in Family Medicine/Psychiatry from UCSD, and I think his intellect and passion was most attractive about him. At this time, I was not sure if I was ready to date again… But, I met him anyway!

La Jolla Shores is one of my favorite first date spot. I have taken quite a few here, because the quiet and serene setting encourages deep conversations that will force the two of us to get to know each other. It doesn’t hurt that the cool winds promote intimacy by being close to each other, holding each other’s hands, and embracing each other. Again, I think it is a perfect dating spot. Anyway, we met after work around 9pm and he was coming from a speaking engagement with UCSD’s medical students. I admire him for doing that, because outreach and empowerment was also a huge part of my college years. I found out that he went to Columbia University to get his MSW, but then realized that a medical degree would allow him to prescribe medications to his previous interest, which are psychiatric patients. I can just tell how passionate he was about his work and he was at the path at the time.

I found out that he came to San Diego after a couple of years working in Washington, DC in social justice. I think that dating men who have the same political and social ideologies is extremely important to me. As I got to know him more, the more interested I grew… And, the more turned on I got!  He leaned in to kiss me, and I kissed him back. Those warm, soft lips and that rough scruff are just so sexy. He was a real gentleman: he walked me to my car, opened the door for me, and kissed me once again. He also said he wanted to take me on a dinner date, which was really sweet!

So, we met again after two days. He made reservations at a local hotel restaurant, and also reserved a room for us to relax and have some fun. I came to it knowing what was about to happen, and I admit that I wanted things to happen, because it has been a year since I was intimate with someone in the bedroom. We started at the restaurant. I ordered lobster and steak, and he ordered the same thing. He drank beers, and I drank whiskey and coke! It was nice. As we were eating dinner, we again had conversations… but it was not as deep as our first, which I let go because he came from work and he must be really tired. We finished dinner, and we walked around the hotel for a little bit. We spent time in the pool together, and then we went to the room.

In the room, we just cuddled and made out, honestly. I think there was a lot of sexual tension, but I didn’t let myself be that vulnerable… I showed a lot of restraint, because I could have devoured and made love to that sexy body! I think the fact that I was not putting out turned him off a little bit, because I was doing all the right things except taking off my clothes and letting the sexual energy unleash. I was doing my shimmies, guys love that for some reason… and I knew I was turning him on! I had work the next day, so I really couldn’t stay up any longer.  So, we ended up just cuddling, and I thought it was the sweetest. Again, he walked me to my car at 4am in the morning and kissed me goodbye. He said he wanted to see me again. We did these repetitive cuddling sessions for about 4 more times in a span of 4 months, and then we both got busy.

We texted and planned to meet again, but it always fell through. I realized that if I couldn’t make the time for him and he couldn’t for me, there is not enough attraction to keep the momentum going and I didn’t want to waste my time. I think I was attracted to him because he looked good on paper, yet there was very little chemistry. We had a lot in common, but every intimate step felt a bit forced. Kissing him was forced and holding hands with him was the same. AGAIN, DO NOT FORCE INTIMACY. I learned from my lesson… So on to the next one!

xoxo,

Jas advocacy, becoming jasmine, college, education, employment, health, name change, nightlife, tgirl, transgender, transgirl