Meeting the parents!

It is the most nerve-racking experience ever! In every romantic/intimate relationship, meeting the parents is one of the most important part of building a great relationship. I get to know him from another perspective, and his family give him feedback on how I match with him and their qualifications for a perfect partner for him. It takes the relationship to the next level because it shows the two of us how compatible we are with each other's families.

A million things pop-up in my mind when I meet a partner's parents for the first time! I am nervous because I want them to like me. I want to show them the best side of me... to make a lasting impression. It is never easy... I worry not only whether they'd like me or not, but also whether they can read me. In trans-terms, "to be read" is to be figured out... in other words, I may not be as passable as I thought. I remember my second year of transition, I was already using the women's bathroom. I was happy with where I was, until I encountered two Pilipina ladies talking about how I was a man in the women's restroom... little did they know, I speak Tagalog and could understand them fluently. Ever since, I am constantly watching myself... making sure that every act or words are as feminine as they can be.

The first time a partner invited me to meet his parents, I was overjoyed because my partner is confident enough that his parents will like me. However, I kindly declined. I am afraid of the things his parents will say. As a trans-person from a strict Roman Catholic family, I endured so many ignorant comments from elders in the family. It might be a generational gap kind-of-thing to be tolerant of non-conforming identities or ideas... but to be treated as less than who I am as a person (a Cal graduate, with an altruistic perspective, involved in making a difference) is unacceptable! I am constantly working with my family, to make them more tolerant of my identity and others, but it takes time... and I think to myself, if I can't do it with my own, how the hell am I going to do it with somebody else's. Making assumptions is a horrible trait of mine, and I am hella working on it to become a better person!

One of my biggest mistakes is assuming that everyone is the same. I am not going to lie, I compare men from other men I've dated. I take the things that they do as a sign of how the relationship will continue or end in the long run. If he did this and he treated me like crap, the next person who does the same thing will treat me like crap. Same goes for families... If my family makes fun of my identity, other families will make a joke about it too! Little did I know, that is all BULLSHIT! When I say "Be vulnerable," I mean it... It's hard for me to follow my own advice, but when I do... I am always glad that I am able to listen to myself. In a relationship, I go with my gut. I say what I need to say, I ask what I need to ask, and I do what I need to do! I'm never going to find out if I don't do anything about things I worry about.

When my partner (the first ever to take me home) asked me to meet his parents for the first time, I hesitated and made him wait for 2 months of longer. Luckily, we were only 3 months officially into the relationship. I told him why I was afraid to meet his parents... I didn't want his parents to find out who I am and make assumptions of his identity. I am ignorant for thinking that his parents are narrow-minded, or even I have hella low self-esteem for thinking that they'll read me. Even SRS is out of the question, because to be honest... we must still tell them if we want to be honest. He assured me that even if his parents figure it out (which he explained will be surprising because I am beautiful), he will still like me. Isn't he the sweetest thing?  He persisted and we even fought about it! I stuck to my decision, and finally met his parents when the two months came.

It was an awesome experience! I enjoyed getting to know his family, they spoke well of him and it makes me happy when a guy is hella family-oriented. It is refreshing to see a close-knit, supportive family. One of the things I am afraid of... is breaking that bond when they find out about me and they do not support it. I would hate to be the reason for that... Anyway, one thing I am struggling with is... whether we should be honest and tell them or just let it go with the flow! I like the latter, because we are not being dishonest... we are merely being a a regular couple.

Back to the first meeting the parents ever, it was nerve-racking, but I am really happy we met each other's parents. We are growing together, and each day is bring us closer and closer! The millions of thoughts in my head that make me crazy... are all worth the satisfaction of being with an amazing person! Plus, I had a good time with his family... :)

Recap of my thoughts/feelings before, during, and after dinner:
1.) Hella nervous - Jas, breathe... act like you're going to meet new friends!
2.) Hella conscious - Jas, you are beautiful... just be yourself and they'll either like or dislike you!
3.) Hella quiet - Jas, be an active listener... say more that just "Awww" or "Nice!" Complement them, ask questions, add the things you already know about them!
4.) Hella nervous - Jas, impress them with your awesomeness... you do amazing work and let yourself shine!
5.) Hella eating fast - Jas, slow down... you have all the time in the world!
6.) Hella nervous - Jas, be confident... be real, and be yourself!
7.) Hella calm - Great, keep at it!
8.) Hella on a roll - Keep going!
9.) Hella happy - I had fun... it was awesome meeting amazing people that make him awesome!
10.) Hella want more - I can't wait to get to know them even more!

Overall, meeting parents is hella work! In addition to worrying about whether they'd like me or not, I was thinking about my actions and my voice... whether they'd out I am a different girl. But, during dinner... I didn't even think about my transgender identity, I was just there... a girl meeting my boyfriend's parents! It was overwhelming, but I came out knowing that I was real... I was myself!


xoxo,

Jas



PS. The whole time I was thinking... OMG they're going to think he got my pregnant. My big gut and the extra 30 lbs. FML!