I stopped writing for a while, because I didn't think that it would help me cope with what I was going through at the time. But, now that I have moved on completely...I am starting to write again, because I actually enjoy reading my thoughts from the past. As many of you may already, I usually do not write anything about my current relationship, especially one that I thought would last. My last available post is about my now ex-boyfriend. It is funny how life works, but I am glad that everything unfolded before I moved on to the next step, which would have been the next mistake in the series of mistakes I made throughout that relationship. It is funnier now, because I felt that everything about that relationship was wrong and unreal, yet I held onto it because it seemed so good to let go. I felt like I would not be able to find anyone better. That was my biggest mistake, to settle on something that only seemed too good to be true.
I had all these ideas of him and he fulfilled the check-boxes of what I wanted, but now that he showed me who he is...I realize that the check-boxes are nothing but images that I made up. I should have trusted my gut feelings. Yes, I am embarrassed to say that this is one of my biggest mistakes...a boy, but it is the truth and I admit it. It is funny, because I thought that David was the worst person I ever dated, but this is actually worst, I did not know that anyone could make David a better person. It is funny, because David wanted me back when I was already with this guy, yet I chose to be fooled. I cannot believe I dated a coward, and I let him take away my strength for about 7 months after breaking up with me. I saw myself at my worst, and I hated the fact that I had so much anger within me for one single person. I am not going to dwell on this, but knowing that I fought for 7 months for what I thought was true... I now know as false. I am no longer in love with him, because the person I fell in love with was a different person.
I am not going to let this experience make me a coward, because I will never find true love with fear. I am slowly gaining my confidence back, and I know that I did not deserve any of the pain I went through this past year. I am happy now, and I will not let people who are always so negative and fearful be around me. I am now a student in nursing school, and I couldn't be more excited. I feel that I chose the perfect career path, as I am now working as a nursing assistant at well-known health system here in San Diego. Focusing on myself and maintaining the fact that an independent and strong woman, like myself, is a catch! I will find someone when I am ready. I will get married. I will have two beautiful children who will mean the world to me.
xoxo,
Jas
advocacy, becoming jasmine, college, education, employment, health, name change, nightlife, tgirl, transgender, transgirl
No comments:
Post a Comment