Is it worth it?

Changing my name and gender legally has been a long and expensive process. Multiple $25 visits to my therapist and endocrinologist, totaling to about $300. About $450 filing fee at the San Diego court. $120 to publish my court order at a local newspaper. It's fucking insane, please excuse my French! I often think to myself, "Is it worth it?" About $1000 to change my name and gender... two things that I have always been, but I guess the government thinks I need to pay and go through this because initially they think I am some terrorist or a fraudulent individual. It is fucking nuts!

Anyway, I should not be complaining. Other women have to go through surgery, breast/vagina, which can cost to $3000 to $28000! However, the hassle of going through the process of changing my name is fucking stupid. I am sorry for my foul language, I just seem to be really angry and pessimistic right now. It's fucking stupid how I have to deal with "This is a rare case" or "I have never done this before." So, the process takes extra longer. I mean, when I changed my gender marker at the DMV... it was the same thing. "The process is different, and I don't deal with this often." Read the employee manual and learn your job! Am I mean? I am just angry, because it sucks to be dealing with terrible service... making feel like I am so different, I am so alien to you that you have to take it to multiple people to figure it out. It is just so frustrating because the process is taking extra longer, and then they give you the look of confusion.

I feel like all this trouble is going to be worth it in the end. One of my trans friends who is a professional in the bay area said that it was a lot easier for her to land a job because the documentations matched the way she presented herself. In a way, I never felt like not changing my papers was a barrier that prevented me from landing a job. I felt like I was passable enough, but I always get nervous when it comes to background checks and paperwork. I waited 2 years to finally get my documentation right, and I hope it will go as smoothly as I planned.

This is just a quick negative rant, and I am sorry if I offended any of you. If you need help with filing court order for a name/gender change. The Transgender Law Center is a really good resource or feel free to ask me too!

Anyway, I know that this is all worth it. At the very least, it gives me hope that things will get better.

xoxo,

Jas