I love you. Three words that I consider to have a lot of meanings. Sometimes, I say I love you to material things such as food, cute animals, dresses, credit cards... Sometimes, I say I love you to someone (who may be mentioned below) because they saved my life, registering me for classes when I was busy or covering for me when I do not have cash, but I will primarily talk about people in this post. Below, I will write how I use these three words and what I mean when I use them.
1.) I love you, Mom and Dad! And, brothers too. It is unconditional love. My parents may say I am obligated to love them, because they gave me life. It's true, but I love my parents, because they inspire me to be a better person. I am where I am today because of them. I love them for creating me. I love them for affirming me when I am right and challenging me when I am wrong. I love them for putting up with everything I have done and continue to do. I tell my mom and dad "I love you" everyday, because I want them to know how much I appreciate them for being in my life.
As for my older brothers, I say "I love you" to them less often. They claim to be tough, manly men, but I know deep inside they love me too! Although they are mean to me sometimes, I call it tough love. They want the best for me, and they are over-protective. It was one of their reasons for having a hard time accepting my new identity, but they learned that it is for the better. And, I am glad that they support my happiness.
2.) I only have a few friends, but I treasure the friends that I have. I would say that I define friendship differently. To me, people in my life come and go... but the people who stay the real friends. Having what others consider as different narratives from the norm, it is tough finding someone who can understand what I am going through. I think my friends who understand how relevant my experiences are to their own are the ones who stayed. I love my friends, because they give me hope. They are dependable, always there when I need them most! They stay positive when I have given up. They are my source of optimism and hope, and I need that in my life.
I have not been successful finding a good friend who have the same experiences as me. Although I share my stories and identity problems to my "non-trans" (I was trying to avoid these labels, because they are no different) friends, sometimes they cannot relate or they do not know how to respond. However, they are still there to listen, try to understand, and give guidance. They are the closest to my family, and that is why I love them! I love them so much, because they mean the world to me.
3.) My relationship right now is the weirdest. It is my longest committed relationship, yet we haven't said "I love you" in the most meaningful way. I think it is great that we are taking it slow, because I know when he finally says it... I will feel like the luckiest girl! Well, he already makes me feel that way, ever since I met him. Finding love takes a lot of patience... I know this, because I have looked for the person I am going to grow old with... but it only came when I stopped looking. As many of you may know, we go to cafes a lot and he's sitting right in front of me... If only I could say these words, without the fear of being rejected...
I admit, I said "I love you" to him already. But, it didn't mean anything. It was almost because of how he made me feel that night. Cuddling with him is the most amazing thing that I have ever done, he is the most amazing and beautiful person that I have ever cuddled with... I love him, but I am waiting for him to be ready to hear those words coming from my heart. Don't laugh, I know this is getting too corny, but it is how I feel... and I cannot help.
I think these feelings prove that I am not different from genetic girls (again, I do not like using these labels, but I am simply doing so for the purpose of making a point). I feel the same things they do, I think about the same things they do. I am hella no different, we are hella no different from the norm.
4.) It may be hella funny, and sometimes crazy, but I do say "I love you" to strangers I have never met before. Of course, the meaning is different.... Often, I say "I love you" to someone who values the same thing that I do or someone who does something that completely amazes me. I say "I love you" to affirm them, to support them, and to show how much I appreciate what they do or say.
If only "I love you" was easier said than done, the world would be a better place. If only "I love you meant a lot more in different situations, everyone would be happier. I remember a young girl who gave me a note with the words "I love you" and a small metal heart. I felt so happy, and I felt a lot more positive about what I am doing now.
I love you. Three simple words. They have different meanings for different people. But, all these meanings all show appreciation, understanding, happiness, acceptance, among other things. Below, please comment on what these words mean to you or to someone when you say them.
xoxo,
Jas
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