I just have to stay focused and work extra hard to be where I want to be in five years. In a year, I could be helping teach a class and I am hella excited for that. In two years, I can be teaching and going to nursing school at the same time. The next year will be hella hectic for sure, because I am taking 9-12 units per semester for my MA degree and 8-10 units per semester for my nursing pre-requisites. I know that I may be setting myself up for a stressful year (hopefully not failure because I had my fair share of feeling useless from all the rejections), but I am confident that I can manage to excel in the classes I need despite juggling a packed schedule. I can do it! I will not be afraid to ask for help. I will not be afraid to say no. I will work hard and sacrifice doing the things I love to get the freedom to do them without worry or self doubt.
Aside from my career path, I am also excited for finally Becoming Jasmine, becoming the person I have always been. A lot of my friends enjoy the crazy, loud, and obnoxious side of me, but I am really the shy, quiet girl... demure who likes to keep it simple. I just recently changed my gender marker on my California Driver's License, and I am so excited to finally change my name and gender marker on all my legal documents. I am hoping to get it all done by the end of summer, but it is getting delayed because of the hassle of waiting for assistance from a transgender nonprofit organization and also asking for documentation from both my psychiatrist and endocrinologist. It has been really difficult this past two weeks because I am not getting the responses I need. I thought my therapist was very open to helping me because she was the one who suggested it. Now, she's telling me that I have only met her twice and that's not sufficient. After telling her everything I have been through, having a hard time finding the right therapist or physician, I get this from her. I don't know maybe it is in the books and it is required, but I am so confused why changing my gender on all my documents take so much work and money! I just don't get it.
It was not my mistake in the first place. It was the doctor's who made the mistake determining my gender. While it can be argued that they were following protocol--the scientific way of determining gender, it is quite different from the sex! As I have learned from my undergraduate years, sex is in between your legs and gender is in between your ears... Gender is fluid, it cannot be determined solely by the level of testosterone or estrogen in our bodies, our sexual organs, or even our physical anatomy. It takes more than that.
It is really unfortunate that the simple mistake of doctors determining my gender, leads to social norms that continue to limit the freedom of gender expression. The gender binary is so narrow that it does not allow the expression of those who are neither masculine or feminine. In fact, no one is 100% masculine or feminine. Everyone is in the middle, and it is problematic to force people to conform to either side.
Anyway, I am just really happy that I am taking the initiative to actually fix the mistake that was made 24 years ago. Noone else will do but me. Noone else will be affected but me.
xoxo,
Jas
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