Forgotten Post: Update from 9.14.11

I haven't blogged in so long. So here I am. Last Friday, I had my first psychiatry appointment. It was awesome! I am confident that I am going the right path, and I cannot wait to see what's next for my transition.

So here's how the morning went:
I drove that morning excited to finally move forward and explore the possibility of completing my transition. Becoming Jasmine, as this blog pursues to document.  I was anxious to meet my psychiatrist.  I had a lot of thoughts in my head: Is she trans too? Will she require me to attend meetings every week? Is she going to ask me a lot of questions? Trick questions? Is she going to try to prove me wrong? Is she going to make me feel like this is all a mistake? Is she going to over think my responses? Should I be honest? Should I think about my responses before I actually say something? Too many questions, and I couldn't wait to get the answers.

I had an appointment with my endocrinologist. He's awesome! Very sensitive to my issues. I'm actually starting to get injectable hormones instead of pills. First, I think it would be cheaper. But, I am starting on 5mg a week. It is not ideal for me because I don't want to go back to low levels of estrogen, but I need to.

I entered Kaiser Psychiatry. The lady at the counter looked at me as if I was not suppose to be there. I don't know, she made a weird look.

I am taking the GRE on the 26th. I am good at Math. But, I need hella work on my Verbal.

I went to a job interview last Monday, an amazing opportunity. However, I didn't do so well. I cried a couple of time during the day. I always psych myself out for some reason. I need to stop thinking that I need the job, I want the job... I need to go into the interview knowing that I am capable of performing the responsibilities listed. I know I can do it. I just have to learn how to show it, and not think too much about how I really want the job. Again, I didn't do so well. The first three questions I answered great, but the last two were devastating. At the end of the interview, I was thinking a lot about the last two questions and how I could have answered both differently... that I forget whether or not I shook the three interviewers hands and thank them. I totally blew that interview, and I am still hopeful that somehow I impressed them with my first three responses! That may be asking for a miracle, but I believe!

xoxo,


Jas